A few years ago, I jumped on the bandwagon of Facebook upon the urgings of my girlfriends.
I checked it out but soon after the novelty wore out, I lost interest. In fact, I couldn't stand many features of Facebook, which to me, are just plain annoying, intrusive and silly.
Well, the truth is, I am real bad at keeping in touch with people. Generally, that is. Once someone is out of my life, and out of sight, it becomes real hard to stay in touch. And I have a favourite excuse for that - life is too busy on daily basis to leave any time to think of people whom I have not seen/spoken to/interacted with in the last few months....
As a result, I only have a handful of very close friends who have decades of history with me and hundreds of acquaintances whom I have not talked to for years.
Soon after I was on Facebook, out of a sudden, I started receiving all these requests from people whom I had not been in touch with for years, wanting to be friends. Some were ex-colleagues, others were former schoolmates and childhood friends.
I added them as friends in the beginning, thinking that it must be rude not to. And besides, it was kind of nice when someone searched for me and reached out, wanting to be friends again.
But we still don't keep in touch!!
What totally floored me is why these people would even bother to search for me on Facebook and once we are 'friends' AGAIN, they don't even say 'Hi! How's it going?' or any similar form of relatively painless greetings! I just don't get it. (Ok, later I learnt that some people 'collect' Facebook friends just to appear more popular.)
I don't want an e-beer or e-hug or a plot of land that I need to spend time online cultivating! Send me a SMS or drop me a one-liner on Facebook, would you? I would appreciate that more.
Anyway, as a result, I was mostly inactive for a long time. Then one day, out of the blue, I thought of someone. A friend from the States whom I have lost touch with for 9 years. I decided to try searching for him on Facebook, with a sneaky feeling that his name would probably call up at least 500 accounts and if that happened, I knew I would give up within ten seconds.
But it didn't! There was only ONE person with that name! How odd is that?! For many years, I couldn't even remember how to spell his last name, then one day, it just came to me in a split second!
When I looked at the profile photo, I couldn't even be sure that it was him and had to send him a brief message to confirm. As it turned out, it is him! We swiftly updated each other of whatever that we have been up to. It is interesting to learn of the changes that life has brought him and how he is finally happily settled down and busy with a young one too.
The feeling of finding something or someone after such a long time is real nice. But after a few brief rounds of cordial correspondences, there doesn't seem much left to ask. Ask more and it seems a little too intrusive and personal. After all, we haven't been in touch for almost a decade. The familiar awkwardness returns.
So while I was thrilled to have found him after such a long time, I think his profile will just stay on my Friends list, much like a decoration, without us interacting much.
I am definitely very contented to remain on more traditional means of communication and staying in touch, be it a phone call, email or just short text messages, if face time is impossible. No doubt I'm old-fashioned in this respect, but the technology laggard in me just can't be hurried.
A little sidenote: While I ponder over the privacy issues, I'm back to considering privatizing the blog and restricting access.
2 comments:
Hey Shirley,
I SHARED YOUR SENTIMENTS! I am guilty of not keeping in touch with my friends except the few close ones whom I update once in a few months or years....My mum once comment that my friendship will not last as I have short eyebrows. Anyway.
I thought I was "abnormal", anti-IT savvy, anti-social, and thought I should make conscious effort to login to Facebook and checkout on friends update, their travel pictures, the people in their lives. But what I really want to do is to meet them, but it's challenging with work and life commitments.
It's been so long, that sometimes I think if I meet them in person, I duno where to start talking. Even if they have kids of same age, parenting style differs, and commenting too much will lead to frowned brows.
And that's the other part where I meet new people in my lives, cross path with common interest, new acquaintances like yourself whom open up whole new perspective to parenting, which makes time even more scarce. Not forgetting we really need time to ourselves and not constantly updating status and replying to comments.
Sometimes I really duno how to comfort a person over facebook, I felt fake as opposed to if I can give support in person...it happens to a colleague of mine whose daughter recently went for operation, I could not think of a creative comment in response to her status and sms her privately instead.
My hubby on the other hand, connect with his friends and relatives over facebook very well, i always find he leaves appropriate comments which are genuine and in a way that can be appreciated. I self doubt for a while...
I just transferred my contact from my company sign on account to another facebook login associated with my Yahoo account recently and really wonder if I should add friends that I have hardly spoke to...it's weird...to add and to be seen as part of the group.
Thank you for this post. You summed it all very well. It's great to know that I am not alone.
Hi Jovin, thanks for sharing! I totally get what you mean.
I do think that life is too short to be spending time browsing pages of updates from people who are not actively in touch with me.
Just because we are not interested to do what everyone else is doing doesn't mean we are abnormal or antisocial. :> I like to think that it means we have a mind of our own. Haha!
But if there are long-lost friends or acquaintances whom I like to get to know better, sometimes electronic means may be easier for some to accept. So start with a little comment and light exchanges,plan a small group gathering to get to know each other better... and before you know, you may have your new best friend! Sometimes it helps to avoid thinking too much and just go do it!
Comforting people over electronic means is never easy for some, whereas for others, it may be the only comfortable method. I think you are wonderful with delivering heartfelt messages (I still cherish your little card :>) and I am sure your friends would appreciate that more than a witty comment.
For me, I think it is the quality of friends that count. I don't need to show the world how popular I am by collecting friends on facebook, nor do I have the need to be part of any cliques. But that is just me. :>
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