Wednesday, September 2, 2020

The first 8 months of 2020

Four months left and we shall kiss 2020 goodbye. 

The world came to a standstill this year. There is a war against an invisible enemy. 

I feel emotional whenever I think of the number of deaths. To most people, these are just numbers now. Digits. But whenever I permit myself to indulge, I cannot help but think of how each one of them was filled with love, hope, dreams, memories and even pain. The latest statistic - a death every 15 seconds! 

In the first quarter of the year, when the major papers were reporting the numbers, I started following the news as closely as possible. I analysed the numbers on every graph I could find on the Internet. Read so many serious and lengthy reports. Suddenly there were so many experts. The information junkie in me just could not read enough. The more I read, the more convinced I was that the end would not be as near as the idealists and optimists hoped for. 

Why was I not so afraid during the SARS period, I kept asking myself. I did lose a kin in that period, though not to SARS but he would probably be saved if the hospital was not understaffed and stretched to the limit. I realised quickly it was because I did not have instant access to news and social media back then. Besides, now I no longer only worry for me (and I really do not worry enough for myself), but for my kids and my students. That is a lot of people to worry about. 

Then came the Circuit Breaker and the whole home-based learning. It was odd to say, but I actually rather enjoyed those few weeks. I was stuck at home all day and feeling really at peace. We have a big enough space for everyone to get on with their own stuff without stepping on anyone's toes. I slept in till my back ached from sleeping too much. For the first time of my life, I actually got hooked on Korean drama, which was something that I never thought I would be interested in. 

All the kids figured out their home-based learning needs quickly and independently, requiring virtually no help from us. There was no chauffeur duty or errands to run. My car was untouched for nearly 2 months that I ended up with a different set of car trouble when CB ended. 

I was secretly hoping that CB could just be extended for another 3 months, so we could just confidently leave home without the dreadful mask. 

There is one big plus, as I discovered one day. With my mask and sunglasses on, I can pretty much leave home sans make-up and no one would recognise me. That, I totally love.

The CB taught me a few new things about myself. 

Most importantly, I realise I can now go live in some remote location and not go crazy.  Just give me a WIFI connection, online delivery and I will be just fine.

I did not miss hanging out with anyone really. I do not feel the need to socialise at all. Sorry BFFs. Perhaps that is because my immediate family is right here with me. I did not miss going out. 

Despite all that is going on in the world right now and of course, I wish things could be different for everyone out there who is suffering, I am in a pretty good place. Still. So I count my blessings. 





Saturday, December 7, 2019

Back to Writing

It has been more than 2 years since I last blogged.

I did not plan to stop writing after the museum visits post. However, as work demanded more of my time and energy and I felt an increasing need to protect the privacy of my kids and family life, I decided it was time to stop blogging.

At first, it was liberating.

"Just live and enjoy the moments" I told myself. And I did. I took photos of the kids and our good time together.

But eventually, even the camera stopped making appearance.  I assured myself unconvincingly that I would have no problem remembering the important moments.

Gradually, I felt guilt. A huge pang of guilt.

For months now, I realise I cannot remember many details of the growing up years of my baby O.
Boys have suddenly grown up in the few years and now my baby boys are teenagers!

I have been right with baby O, every day of her life, so why can't I remember details of her as vividly as I did with boys?

The PSLE years passed in a daze. Before the PSLE, my playful boys still giggled a lot. What happened after the milestone exam? Now, they are just quiet, mature, intense individuals who think A LOT!

It felt like I went to sleep one day and woke up a few years later to find my kids all grown up. It is a strange feeling.

At times, I would read my old blog posts to reminisce those early parenting years. Reading them again brought back the most beautiful memories of the good, bad and ordinary days.

Some posts still made me cry. Some posts made me laugh out loud. In the end, I always had mixed feelings and regretted, albeit slightly, that I should have continued writing.

Recently, I felt a compelling need to return to writing.


Tuesday, August 22, 2017

Museum Visit on Weekdays



This girl loves visiting museums. 

She seems to have fun going with just me and it is a great opportunity for me to introduce new ideas to her without her brothers in the way. 

But it is a different kind of fun to visit with friends. I can never be tired of watching her interact and explore with other little ones. 






Now, who is keen for a playdate to museums? 




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