Dying Slowly

 Which is a worse way to die? 

To be robbed of life suddenly like how J collapsed and dying slowly.

To be robbed of memory and life slowly like what is happening to Mum. Still dying slowly.  

Last night, she could not remember I am her daughter. This is the second time. The first time was in early January. Maybe it was because it was at night and she was less alert/more tired. I must visit her in the day time to see if she remembers. She recognised me as part of the family, as she said. Happy to sit with me to chat and keep me company while I ate dinner. 

She must be dreaming a lot lately. To her, those dreams are just reality. She talked about Dad but she did not refer to him as Dad. She just said he is R's father. He came to see her and said he is not well. Going to live somewhere else and won't be back anymore. Leaving the house to her. It is so sad to listen to her tell it. I asked if she was sad. She said a quiet no. I told her he left over 20 years ago. I am sad just to say it aloud. Sad for her mostly. 

I asked her what my age is. She remembered what I told her repeatedly the last few months. But when I asked her what her age is, she said 40. She insisted that I must be born before her. I know the logic is gone. It never fails to sadden me each time I think of how the disease robs victims of their logic and memory.