At 4am, E woke me up and told me to go stroke him. He was gone. That feeling was just surreal. I remember jumping out of bed and took big steps to the living room where I last saw him an hour ago. It was such a busy week with so many lessons to plan, emails to answer and compositions to mark. I worked till 3am. Went out to the hutch to take another look at him. As E and O were sleeping on the mattress next to the hutch, I could not turn on the light. So I shone the flash on my phone at him. He looked like he was just sleeping in a loaf position. I considered stroking him to whisper to him and to send him some love. But I decided not to in case I disturb his badly needed rest. I should have stayed out in the living room and watched him. Of course I would never have known. But that was the last time I saw him alive.
When Toffee passed away suddenly, I was in so much pain that I had little time or energy to grieve. Now this. Sorry baby.
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