Thursday, December 10, 2015

No Carpe Diem? It's OK.

Reading this reminds me of what I constantly feel as a stay-at-home mum.

There are certainly days when I think I have not done enough for the kids and feel really guilty about it. There are even more days when I feel I am not enjoying my kids enough. Even more guilt there.

I have to constantly remind myself to let go of this guilt which is neither productive nor constructive. I am only human and like everyone else, I have only 24 hours a day.

Despite needing very little sleep to function (I can thrive on 4-5 hrs for consecutive days, including broken sleep), which gives me more hours a day to do what has to be done and dabbles in things that interest me, at the back of my mind, there is this nagging thought that I have to spend more time with the kids.

Sometimes I think if I were a a full-time-working-mum, I would probably give myself a bigger break and expected less of myself since there would be less time to spend on the kids to begin with.

But because I am a stay-at-home-mum, I should, in theory, have more time to spend with the kids. And more importantly, enjoy the kids.

To a certain extent, I do have more time than a working mum who is away for most part of the day, to do the higher value activities, like coaching them with learning activities and playing games, or just cuddling and watching a programme together.

However, there is a catch. With more face time and being physically near the kids for the entire day means I also get to experience first-hand all the ugly, dreadful, mentally and emotional draining aspects of parenting - the constant fights, tantrums, tears, screams, demands and emergencies etc that can be overwhelming and stressful.

The challenge lies in my ability to survive those hours and minutes, without losing sight of my bigger parenting goals, then gather my thoughts and reflect at the end of the day, before counting my blessings.

I guess, at the end of the day, it is always a case of perspectives. I may not enjoy every moment of my parenting journey, but I will not trade this journey for anything else.

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