I am exhausted.
To be alone with 3 kids when E was away would still be tolerable if his business trips were more spaced out. Unfortunately, these recent few trips happened on almost consecutive weeks since mid January and with some durations as long as 8 days.
I was nearly pushed to my limits.
What to do? I still had to march on.
Some days I was so tired by the time the kids were in bed that I felt brain-dead. But I couldn't just hit the sack. Not with the mountain of chores waiting for me.
Whatever I could delegate to the machines, I did. Still, there was plenty that needed my personal attention. Even though I work my dishwasher daily, someone still has to load the dirty dishes and unload the clean ones. At the end of the long day, there is always a full load of clean laundry waiting to be hung and another big pile waiting to be folded and put away.
I get bothered and stressed when the house is untidy or I come across any part of the house that is dirty. I just have this huge urge to clean it immediately. But with the baby napping less in the day now, there is less free time to tackle the housework during the day. Most of the bigger tasks that I can't handle with my one minute rule have to be left till the kids are all asleep. Which means past 9 pm. Sigh.
The thing is, the endless housework doesn't bother me as much as my lack of time with the boys. And this is beginning to frustrate me a lot more than I imagine it would.
Perhaps I have reached my limits.
Maybe it is time to reassess.