One afternoon, the kids and I were chatting about school work and the importance of having a positive attitude towards learning and life in general.
I shared examples of how and why some kids are self-motivated and others are not.
I do this quite often with my boys, not as a routine but more as a general conversational topic. Sometimes we were discussing related issues and it seemed apt to bring this up. At times, when I feel there's a need to, I weave it into our casual conversation.
Adults need pep talk, so do kids! But unlike some parents who think that pep talk must always be softly-spoken and laden with sugar-coated lines, I normally deliver mine with different styles.
Sometimes casually with plenty of anecdotes and jokes to make the kids laugh. Alternatively, I would tell a grandmother story that has a moral behind it. At times, a more sternly tone with an unmistakable portrayal of my displeasure (with the kids' behaviour or attitudes) is called for. So the kids may get a high energy pep talk that leaves all of us breathless for a while.
More often than not, I give pep talks with a combination of soft and hard approaches. And always with PUNCH!
Are they effective? I like to think they are largely useful in moulding my boys' behaviour and influencing their attitudes. Of course there are still many areas that I know I have room for improvement and I am constantly working on it.
So anyway, back to the chat we had which was started by M, who out of the blue, wanted to know more about the schools that I went to. Were they good schools and if I was a good student etc.... I was happy to fill him in on my experiences and thoughts as a student. He was so intrigued to learn that I received a scholarship every year, from Primary one to my last year at the University. So we started talking about the reasons scholarships are handed out, who and how to qualify for one and etc....
I have never spoken about rankings in schools before, which was probably why he was surprised to be told students in the past were openly ranked in terms of their academic achievement. As a student, you would know your own ranking vis-a-vis your peers in your class and the whole cohort of your school. What he didn't expect, but was really proud of later (maybe I'm not that smart in his eyes), was the fact that I was always one of top five kids in my whole school. I swore his eyes almost popped out when I told him I was number one for a few years too! Those were the 'glory' days. Haha!
After a few moments of pondering over what he had just heard, he asked me in the most innocent manner if I think he could be number one in his school too and if by doing so, he would also get a scholarship every year. I must admit that I was already beaming with pride by his interest. He need not even get the 'prize' for me to be so proud of him! :>
Though I will not dangle a cash reward as a carrot for the boys to strive towards academic excellence, I won't dissuade them from aiming for a scholarship if that goal alone is sufficient to motivate them. Why not? It is, after all, created for this sole reason.
While I am rattling on about setting goals and being number one..... coincidentally, M's primary school has made it compulsory for all students to subscribe to a Maths online learning website. I have never heard of it till the school informed us. Here is the gist: it comprises 480 skills from primary 1 to 6 (each with 99 variations) and houses over 27,000 questions for students to practise at their own time and pace.
Basically, the kids get to do the Maths questions in varying degrees of difficulty and are awarded stars for each correct attempt. These stars are accumulated and impressive titles are bestowed accordingly.
For kids who have a competitive streak, this is a great portal because there is a Hall of Fame which ranks the kids on the inter-class, school and class levels. The healthy competition is great in motivating kids to aim higher.
Once M discovered from the Hall of Fame the names of his peers who are listed there, he has been so motivated to outdo them. The questions are mostly easy for him but he has yet to complete the whole set of P1 questions because I limit the time he can spend on it on a daily basis.
After just a few days, he has successfully attempted over 500 questions and attained the 'Master' title. Already, he is aiming for the next title which requires him to complete another 300 questions. Though he didn't say it, I know he is also secretly eyeing the number one position in his class, which is why he has been comparing his own achievement with the current title holder.
From what I've gathered, this has become a hot topic during recess among his peers even though the Maths teacher has not mentioned a word about it yet. It goes to show that we should never underestimate the power of peer influence!
And of course I like to think that my grandmother story has also inspired him a little more...
4 comments:
I think your stories have inspired him for sure! Especially mummy's own example of academic excellence! ;)
and a little late, but congrats on number 3!
Thanks MamaJ! I like to think so, and luckily the boys love my grandmother stories too.
I hear what you're saying but sometimes I'm really torn about the real need for competitiveness. Yes it's great to be motivated to achieve and yes I too was one of those mad over-achievers. In hindsight though (isn't it always 20/20?) there's a certain satisfaction to being happy and accepting who you are - that's not to say we shouldn't strive to be better, just sometimes, I think especially children (in Asia) need to learn to just 'be', and parents to accept that children can be happy without having straight As.
Having said that, being in the West now, the lack of competition, motivation or sense of achievement does drive me potty sometimes. It's all about finding the balance I think.
All the best to M and his Math achievements! You're doing a great job too - Keep it up!
Thanks for sharing your thoughts, Li-Ling. It is definitely about finding the balance and when the kids are still young and inexperienced, the onus lies with the parents to guide them in finding the balance - to teach them to aim for the sky, while still learning to live a happy life.
Yes, kids and adults can be happy without achieving much, but those who achieve can also be happy. Who says achievements and happiness are mutually exclusive?
It is a very narrow-minded view of those who believe that high achievers must be downright miserable and stressed out all the time. Personally, I think that is the view of those who haven't achieved very much, but again, what is achievement and success is subjective.
I would much rather teach my children to learn to aim for the moon and strive with their very best in everything they set their minds to do and to believe that when there is a will, there is a way... than for them to tell themselves (and everyone else) that they are happy to just 'be' and take each day as it comes, with no goals nor ambitions. But what is equally important is teaching my kids to understand that failures and setbacks are part of life too and equipping them with life skills and positive outlook is crucial. That way, when faced with disappointments and hardship, they will be resilient enough.
I do know many parents in the West and increasingly number of those here too, who have been influenced by the media and parenting books authored by American writers who are too worried about hurting their kids' fragile self-esteem and confidence, so they discourage competition, or any form of goal-setting.
Not me. I won't want to bubble wrap them from the harsh realities so as to safeguard their fragile self-esteem. If we handle it right, and I am still learning as we go on how to do so, the kids need not have fragile self-esteem. It is a vicious cycle, if you ask me.
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