On amusement and disappointment

When I walked Marcus to school this morning, he whispered something as we crossed the road. I asked him to repeat since I couldn't hear him with the noisy traffic. He did. And I was a little embarrassed, very amused and rather surprised when I heard it speak loudly.

"Mama, I said that woman is a big idiot because she crossed the road when the red man is still there".

He was referring to the traffic light. I realised later that he learnt it from papa. I checked his understanding of the word "idiot" and his reply was "She shouldn't cross the road. She should wait till the green man is out." Hmm.. He is right, but I just didn't feel comfortable that my 4yo is labeling people as "idiot", "fat", "ugly", "stupid" etc etc..

I remember two occasions when I referred to a neighbour as "big sized" and another stranger as a "big woman". To both instances, he promptly corrected me "Mama, you mean that fat man?" and "Oh that fat woman! She has such a big tummy!". Another time, he asked a colleague of E straight in his face "Uncle, why are you so fat?". His question was ignored.

Of course, these are innocent remarks from a young child who could mean no malice. E often retorts whenever I grumble to him about his choice of words in front of the kids, especially Marcus, that we should not hide the truth and facts that someone is fat or stupid. I agree to a certain extent but I still think it is rather disturbing to teach a child such labeling words. I need to think about this more...

On a lighter note... Chipsy told a boy who refused to leave a Thomas train ride "Come on! Come on! Move! My turn now." All the adults around were stunned for a moment before breaking into loud laughter. I was amused.

Now onto a different matter altogether which I have been pondering over for a while. I have never been secretive of my preference for a handful of quality friendships over a huge collection of insignificant acquaintances. Which explains why I prefer to stick only a few names on my Facebook and I rarely spend time entertaining acquaintances. Recently though, I felt let down by some people close to me and I realise the disappointment was the part that hurts the most.

Like this friend whom I became close to and depended heavily on during the period of my worst personal crisis. She was the first person whom I cried to and my pillar of strength for that brief but critical period. I just can't understand why she never contacted me once, after learning that I was going through a tough time. After these months of waiting, I decided to write this friendship off. She obviously didn't care enough to find out if I am well, so I shan't bother anymore.

Another supposedly rather new but close friend whom I intuitively warmed up and opened up to, has also recently disappointed and baffled me in many ways. I expect good friends to genuinely rejoice for me if I am singing about my happiness; when I talk about things that make me happy; be positive and supportive. So when I hear distasteful comments like "why are you so happy? Your problems are so big, shouldn't you be upset for a long time? Why are you talking happily about your kids, your cooking, making bentos?" etc etc.. I can't help but question the true motive of this person. When I was genuinely excited over bento-making, homeschooling my kids and happy about being able to handle my household and kids without a maid and my exercise plans to keep fit and healthy, the last I expect from a close friend are remarks like "So boring to be a supermum and super-wife with a perfect figure, always looking perfectly dressed and who can handle everything without help...I don't see the value of making kids' meals pretty...why waste time to do crafts or send them to enrichment classes? where are the imperfections? ... Oh, thank you for making me feel like a lousy mother who can't make bentos and didn't send my kids to any classes when they were small...and...I am just waiting for the day to come when you can't do everything yourself and announce you need a maid or at least a PT help". 

My jaw dropped. Honestly.

After nights of pondering, I concluded it all stems from jealousy and insecurity. I must have made her feel bad about herself. Perhaps it makes her look/feel less capable in comparison. It was never my intention when I shared happily about what I am doing with my life, my boys and what makes me happy. Like why I bother to bento and not just pack a jam sandwich for my son. Because it makes me happy! Like why I choose to handle all without a maid. Because it makes me happy! Damned. So if she doesn't like it that I am happy, it is time I stop wasting my time with her.

A close friend once said, a decade ago, that I am clairvoyant and intuitive. My experience over the years confirmed that judgement is accurate and I believe I am. It is a real shame that I have to be disappointed by these friends. But then again, c'est la vie....