Wednesday, May 2, 2007

Monsters and Nightmares

Marcus went out with daddy to buy dinner last night and had to pass by some unlit pavements which is narrow and surrounded by big trees on both sides. Out of the blue, he told papa he is scared of monsters. And later on, he also mentioned something of being scared of crocodiles. 

I don't know why he suddenly fears them since not too long ago, he was still quite fond of crocodiles. Pretended to be one and crawled around at home a lot announcing "I'm a crocodile".

He had been waking up more frequently the past 2 weeks in middle of night, crying though I am not sure if he does that because of his new found potty-training skills or nightmares or separation anxiety, specifically from papa. 

But whenever he wakes at night, he would be really upset, standing in cot, crying loudly with eyes closed. If I were to go in to comfort him, he would always say "I don't want mummy, go away, I want papa". It hurts like hell everytime he says that, and he says that in daytime too, especially if he knows papa is at home. He has been showing preference for papa consistently since the time Nicholas arrived. 

I wonder if it is because he felt hurt or angry that mummy has brought a baby along, I wonder if he sorts of "gave up" on me, so focused on papa, hence his neediness with E for the past 6 mths. 

I remember he was upset when he came to hospital on day 2 of Nicholas' birth and saw me breastfeeding, pulled my arm and said "no". I told him I am feeding baby bro, and he stopped. Didn't say anything. For next few days he only saw more of papa since I was still in hospital and papa tucked him to bed nightly for the next few weeks while I was in confinement. 

He still shows jealousy when papa carried Nicholas but was fine when I do same, except in daytime when papa is not around and Marcus is tired/grumpy, then he would tell me "not to carry N, put him in bed/bouncer/playpen" etc.. and carry him. If papa carries N, he would tell papa "give N to mama, and carry me". He has worked out an order of papa over mama who is over grandma/ah ma and finally the maid. 

In the beginning, papa suggested I take him out more often for 1-1 time as it could be due to the fact that he has been having more fun with daddy since my final weeks of pregnancy. Have been trying so hard, taking him out daily and some days he seemed to have so much fun with me, but he still prefers daddy the moment daddy got home. Very hurtful I admit. But I could only hope for that this awful phase will pass real soon.

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