Parenting Thoughts: Raising Ambitious Kids

Whenever I hear people say 'I don't care what grades my kids get in school, even if they were to fail, I would not be troubled by it because it is more imporant to raise happy and self-confident kids....', I must admit I am always intrigued. 

What makes them think that a child can be self-confident if he really does poorly in school?

We may lament as much as we want about the paper chase and kiasu-ism attitude of parents, or the shortcomings of our local education system etc.. but it is not going to change the fact that our kids will have to be a part of it.

Unless we homeschool our children and restrict their interactions with others, there is no way a child won't compare himself with others. Even homeschooled kids will, sooner or later, realize how much or little he knows. 

Yes, the larger goals of parenting may be to guide our children to believe in themselves and teach them to view learning as a lifelong quest instead of placing too much emphasis on exam results and grades. And yes, we can convince them that there is no sense in comparing oneself to others; that everyone has his own strengths and weaknesses. We can teach them to be contented with what they have and not worry about what they lack or are unable to achieve. Or even go the extreme of telling those who are consistently not achieving much to be realistic with what they aim for.

Maybe kids who were raised this way would grow up to be happy and self-confident even if they did poorly in school or have to struggle later in life to hold down a good job or earn a paltry salary.

One of the first few people who truly inspired me was my Secondary School Maths teacher. He used to spend precious lesson time giving us lectures on life and living, virtues and ethics etc.. He once insisted that unless we aspire to be a monk or nun, we should not just be contented with what we get in life, without first giving our dreams and aspirations our best shot. He also made clear his despise for people who would just leave everything to destiny (or God) and blame fate for their misfortunes. These two lessons shaped my view in more ways than I could possibly name.

Another great influence I have in my life comes from my parents. My mum, who is illiterate, was raised to believe that it is not important for girls to be highly educated and having ambitions is equivalent to greed. Sure they were outdated beliefs, but they influenced the way she viewed the pursuit of ambitious goals. Till today, she will say everyone has his place in the world and not everyone is meant to be achievers of big things. If all are scholars, then who will be the labourers and road-sweepers? Umm.. I beg to differ Mum, that our fates are pre-destined and I certainly don't want to be a labourer (not because I have anything against the job which is decent work, but for the sole reason that it pays peanuts). Neither do I want my sons to do it.

My dad, who had just a few years of schooling, thought differently. Without ever uttering the exact words to convey his feelings, he planted in my mind the ideas that 'an educated mind is the ticket out of poverty' and that we must aim higher and be ambitious. My dad would dangle both the carrots and the bundle of sticks we had at home to get the best grades out of my siblings and me. 

On hindsight, I am thankful that he did though I would not want to wave the sticks at my kids to yield compliance. In the early years, I wanted to prove to him that I can achieve the arbitrary targets he set. For what? Maybe for pride or just because I was hungry for that hard-to-come by praise and encouragement from him. But later on, I no longer needed his targets nor rewards. I just wanted to outdo myself at everything I set my mind on. I became the go-getter. I grew ambitious and dreamt big (mind you, 'big' is a relative goal). 

We have all heard the all-too-familiar 'it is not about achieving As or being top of the class' argument. I have said that too. While I concur that learning well in school should be about picking up life skills, and to a large extent the ability to understand concepts taught which will help the child, in the long-run, figure out how to thrive in the world we live in, I also can't ignore the expectations placed by society. I am after all, a very ordinary parent, trying my best to give my kids a good life. 

My next best gift to them after the provision of breast milk is, in my view, a good head start in education. The fact is the society we live in places high value on those with the right paper qualifications. Like it or not, they do open doors to a whole suite of better opportunities and guaranteeing, to a certain extent, a more favourable quality of life. Now, just think in terms of the hourly rates of employees with different qualifications. 

Sure, money can't guarantee happiness. But money can certainly buy some extent of happiness. (The bimboic twist to this: if someone tells you money can't buy happiness, that person doesn't know where to shop! Haha!)

When it comes to such matters, I am a realist. I am not shy to admit that I will do what it takes to ensure that my kids give their best shot at attaining those highly valued qualifications. (I know I will be put to test very soon. What will I say when my boy returns home with a 'B' for English when I think that he can really achieve the 'A'. I have yet to perfect that little motivational speech but I am working on it. *.*) After all, the grades will determine the kind of schools they have access to in future and I am not referring to the Secondary school. Always dream big and keep an eye on the goal. :>

I sure hope they will have the self-confidence and hunger to always aim high and dare to dream big. By that, I mean aiming for the best grades that they can attain as students, and knowing how to work towards achieving their bigger dreams later on in life, be it that dream job, dream girl, dream place and dream life. 

Of course, I realize that what I have just written may not sit well with everyone who places their eye balls on this page, nor is it socially acceptable to admit so frankly that I am a parent who will encourage my kids to aim for the straight As next time. It doesn't matter an ounce to me. 

Well, my kids are not being hothoused at the moment, and I don't think they will ever be either. I am still going to delay ferrying my boys to tuition classes and I am not signing them up for as many enrichment classes as I can schedule into their weeks. But don't mistake their 'light' schedules to mean that I am slacking as a parent. On the contrary, my eyes have never left the higher goals. And before you label me as shallow, read the post very carefully again. :P