Monday, October 22, 2007

What is Heaven?

Marcus asked me that today when he heard the word in the lyrics of "This Old Man". I explained that it is a place which is very far away, somewhere further away from the sky that is supposed to be very beautiful. And that it is the God's home.

Then he asked me if it is the same as the xxx church which is near us - the one that he always thinks God resides in. I told him that God lives in heaven, but his presence may be felt at the church, though I wasn't sure he got that. And I added that maybe some people may think that God come visit them at the church sometime.

Next he asked "Mama, can God die?"

Gosh! I am greatly surprised by his question. How on end did he get that idea to even ask in the first place? And why would he think about that? Anyway, I explained that God is supposed to be living forever, so I don't think he can die now. Err.. I know it is lame.

I am definitely not properly equipped with the knowledge to explain to him or answer his questions of such nature. Maybe we should start exposing him to Buddhism instead which I know more of. Hmm..

Thursday, October 18, 2007

Speaking well

I can't be more proud of my little boy. He makes me beam with pride everyday with the wonderful things he says all the time and I am constantly impressed with just how incredibly quick children his age learn.

His sentence structure and constrution is so amazing for a 3 y.o, well, at least it is to me. He can now speak in proper English sentences which consist over 30 words at one go. His expressions of thoughts and feelings are improving each day with such clarity and he repeats big words after me after hearing me say it just once, like "magnificent", "fascinating""emergency" and "absolutely delicious".

Some recent quotes....

"I want to go out without saying sorry to Nicholas" (he told E one day after shoving N and was told to apologise before getting out of house)

"I have said sorry to Nicholas already. I don't need to say it again. Enough, mama."

"Mama, I want to eat the cake you showed me, the one you bought from Cold Storage earlier. Can I have it now please?" (he said it last evening on the way home, after finishing his pack of crackers which he chose over the cake)

"I am angry with Nicholas. I don't like him to play with my toys. He can play with his own, why snatch from me all the time. Mama, take Nicholas away."

"Nicholas can play with this new truck when he is older, but not now. Marcus is older, I play with it first. Nicholas must wait for his turn."

"Shall we take that new taxi later? That one with the advertisement? I like it. "

"Ouch mama. It hurts. Say sorry to me."

Wednesday, October 17, 2007

51kg

Illness always does wonder to my weight. I drop them so fast that it shocks me into wondering if I have other underlying problems. Just like how I lost 7kg when I had chickenpox as a teenager, and last year's gastric flu which cost me 3kg within a week. I don't usually weigh myself frequently but decided to yesterday morning and was shocked to read the scale.

I dropped 3kg in a week, which was the last time I weighed in front of Marcus, who insisted I do so when he found the bathroom scale. The lack of appetite from being overly tired looking after the sick boys on my own, and my own 2 or 3 days of feeling queasy, during which I ate like a bird worked the magic. For once in a long time, I couldn't even finish half a chinese bowl of rice.

Well, it ain't so bad. Now I can fit into that favourite pair of jeans I had since London time and a whole range of beautiful dresses and blouses I kept in storage.

I feel optimistic and cheerful this morning. Must be the endorphins from last night's workout. Indeed, so motivated am I that I started making arrangements this morning for a personal trainer to begin a gruelling regime. I have a shape in mind. Haha....

Tuesday, October 16, 2007

Workout

I am glad I let Marcus skipped his nap and put him to bed easily at 7pm. It was harder with Nicholas who only finally entered slumberland at 9pm. I expected it anyway since he had 2 naps today.

Instead of lazing around and chill in front of the TV or computer, I decided to hit the gym at 9pm for an hour workout. After some tough cycling and running, I got back for weights and stretches before calling it a night. Now with my hair wet at a quarter to midnight, I guess it is not a bad way to spend the evening hours to myself. I feel physically tired but refreshed at the same time, and contented and peaceful.

I am sick and tired of waiting forever for my friends to join me for any activities. So far, these so-called friends all ended up backing out at the last minute or declining without consideration any invitation to take up activities that involve some effort and commitment on their part. Millions of excuses they have. Well, enough is enough.. I am not going to wait around for my life to start, or shall I rephrase.. the next phase to start. If someone my age can swim, golf, play tennis and rugby, competes in marathons, enjoys mountain climbing, holds an incredible job and travels around the world... I realise how much time I have wasted. It's time to stop being a typical Singaporean and aim for the stars.. at least I will reach the moon. (I don't want just the sky).

Monday, October 15, 2007

The mush is tasty!

It is probably universal that with the first-born, parents tend to be more excited about trying out new activities. By the time the second or third child arrives, the laid-back attitude and laziness set in, since the novelty is gone. I am no different. I was so excited with starting Marcus on self-feeding amongst a million things when he was small. With Nicholas, I am contented that he allows me to feed him so that we can save time and less mess, and move on to do other things. But it doesn't mean I love him any less.

Anyway, our first attempt a few weeks back was welcome with quite a bit of enthusiasm. The little baby actually protested when I tried to feed him with a spoon. He just picked up the mush and stuffed into his mouth, examined his fingers and rub his hair and face with them and back to the bowl. Later he snatched the feeding spoon from me and poked at his food excitedly. And muttering in between his mouthfuls, as if giving me reviews about how delightful a meal it is. Or not.

I haven't tried it since.



Sunday, October 14, 2007

As sticky as glue

It is 4am and I can't sleep again, though I am so tired.

Poor baby Nicholas has been sick for 3 days now, though he does appear to be recovering. The vomitting and diarrhea have stopped and the fever has subsided. Hopefully he will feel better in the morning.

He has been super clingy. As sticky as glue. From the moment he wakes till he is down for a nap, he only wants *me* to carry and cuddle him. No one else can take over without him crying big time and he doesn't stop crying till he is back into my arms. I have to carry him standing up, or walking around. So that was what I have been doing the past few days.

I feel so bad to have to neglect Marcus. From time to time, he would come to me and tell me he wants to cuddle mama. Sometimes he wants me to put Nicholas down so he can be "on top of mama" when I cuddle him. After being told repeatedly that he has to share mama and we can all cuddle together, today, he came to me and said "I want to cuddle mama. I want to share." aww... my lil boy.

Sometimes he sees me patting Nicholas in the room and he would peep through the door. I had to motion to him to go away and I always feel so bad doing that. Now he understands and whenever I gestured to him to go away and be quiet, he would tiptoe out of the room and quietly close the door behind him. He is really neglected. I don't even get to spend an hour in total with him alone. When Nicholas naps, I had to do some light chores now that the maid is sick too. So Marcus just plays on his own most of the time and watches plenty of DVDs. Again, this is his one week school break and like the previous one, his lil bro' was sick too. So we ended up stuck at home instead of going out to have fun.

I promise him that when papa comes back and Nicholas is all well, I will take him on buses. He asked "The long, long bus? Can we sit at the back? Not the front." Of course, my sweetheart. I kept telling him that he is such a good boy and it makes mummy so happy.

Thursday, October 11, 2007

Sigh... if only we can buy health

Took both boys down to a different PD this morning. If his med works fast, he shall be the ONE from now on. Waited for only 10 min, excellent service and what a great guy! Anyway, reason we went - Nic vomitted 4x this morning, so I suspected stomach flu. And Marcus has been complaining on/off of symptoms which I suspect are related to UTI.

The diagnosis - N has stomach flu and luckily for M, no UTI. Something more disturbing though - to keep watch out and if necessary in future, to do a circumcision. *OUCH*!!! I cringed at that suggestion. Not a great way to start my day and I dread at the thought of the days ahead as a "single" mother, nursing a cold and having to deal with my 2 clingy boys. :(

Wednesday, October 10, 2007

Nicholas is ONE!


My little baby Nicholas has his first birthday cake today. Aww... he is one year old. How time flies!

Instead of a big bash, we decided on a cosy, family only celebration so that he is surrounded by people who truly love him. I got him some new funky clothes which he carries off so well. The doting papa, as usual, bought baby so many presents and fussed over him. He really is such a cutie and is hard not to be crazy over him. :)

For the cake, I opted for a strawberry shortcake from Bakerzin after E gave his shortlist of flavours and I knew Marcus would enjoy the cake. And he did! Asked repeatedly for helpings, insisted on self-feedings and shoved big spoonfuls into his mouth.

We had planned a short getaway to Club Med Bintan last weekend to celebrate Nicholas' birthday but it didn't materialised as we couldn't get the preferred ferry timings. Given E's travelling schedule and Marcus' school break, we can't bring forward, extend or postpone the trip either. So we just have to shelve the idea and now look forward to a big Club Med Bali trip Xmas time with some family friends. That should be real fun!

Tuesday, October 9, 2007

Life needs a little excitement...

I am bored of my mundane life. And I can't deny I yearn for something different sometimes. 

I do enjoy being a stay-home mum, but these days, I need constant self-reminders that I stay home for the boys, that there is no better childcare alternative.

I try to be optimistic and positive about what my days ahead shall bring but for a long time, I feel like there is nothing to look forward to. 

Gosh, this sounds (reads) awful. 

Some people tell me to take each day as it comes. Huh? Duh! Life does needs a little excitement. 

Hmm... so I am going to sign up for some new activities. What the heck!

Monday, October 8, 2007

C'est la vie?

I am still up at 4am. I just can't sleep. 

There are many things that keep me awake and one BIG question I need to find answers to. 

My body is sore, but my mind is racing. 

My willpower is weakening and my heart is tired. 

The neon lights are tempting. I am yearning to let loose. 

I hear a singer's voice in my head and her lyrics are too leading. 

I know I will be digging my grave, and yet I feel alive again. 

How good it is to feel alive again.

Saturday, October 6, 2007

My beer

I remember how horrified I was when I heard that Ale, one of the little boys we know, who is a year older than Marcus drank a whole can of Guiness he chanced upon in the fridge when he was 3 year old. Well, he has Spainish blood...

So whenever E drinks his Tiger in front of Marcus, I was always preparing myself for the day when he wanted a taste. And he did. But luckily, he promptly spat out and shouted "yuck!".

Today at Spizza, he asked his papa if he was drinking beer as E took gulps from his beer glass. E passed Marcus a red plastic cup which contains water and Marcus asked "Papa, do you want to try my beer too?"

:)

Sing a Song

Marcus' Shichida teacher wrote in his report recently that Marcus is a "very eloquent boy..... who loves to sing...." How true!

His school teacher wrote in his school report that "Marcus often hums a tune as he works, and it is often "Do Re Mi"..."

Indeed, my boy loves singing. He sings everyday and equates singing as something to do when one is happy. When I told him to make Nicholas happy, he would sing his baby brother a song.

These days, he has been singing some Mandarin songs which he learnt in school. Today, he surprised me with a new song about the continents. I have never heard the song before, but after he sang a few times at my request, I could actually understand all the lyrics. I am so impressed that he got the whole song right, though his enunciation still needs slight improvement. He sounded like some Caucasian kids trying to speak Mandarin sometimes.. .. hmm.. some work required on that accent. Nevertheless, it is a good start and I started humming and singing it the whole night too.. Now the tune is still ringing in my ears.

Wednesday, October 3, 2007

Pearly Whites


I count ourselves lucky that Nicholas fusses relatively little even though he is teething right now. Four pearly whites emerging through the gums at the same time to join his current eight teeth, but he doesn't complain much or rather none at all. He still sleeps through the night and eats like a horse.

His appetite is back and it is once again a pleasure to feed him. He opens his little mouth real big which always makes us laugh and chomp down the spoonful of food hungrily. Yesterday, I cooked about 250g of homemade Beef vegetables stew and took it out with us in a thermal flask. He ate it all up within 10 min. I couldn't stop kissing his nut afterwards. :)

He had his first taste of Cheerios at lunch yesterday and he loves it. It is so cute to watch him pick up the little ring with his thumb and index finger and shove it carefully into his mouth. It sure looks like he enjoys that as much as I enjoyed my cake. Yummylicious!

Tuesday, October 2, 2007

Circle and rings

I remember Marcus stacking the rings when he was 11 month old. I gave him the stacking toy when he was 9 mth old, and Marcus played with it for a while. Nicholas was given the same toy at his 10th mth and a month later, he could stack too. I only showed him a few times, but he seemed to figure it out.

During our playing last week, I placed a shape sorter in front of Nicholas and he kept picking out the "cylinder" amongst the 15 other shapes and adjusted his grip on it till he could fit it into the "circle" shape of shape sorter. After his first two successes, I was impressed and wondered if it was just luck. So I asked him to give me the "circle" shape and he chose the cylinder repeatedly to give to me. I did the same with "triangle" and he got it right too, though it was harder to fit into the sorter. Whenever he couldn't do it, he would scream "ahhh" after a few tries and throw the shape away. Haha!

Perhaps the little baby did learn a lot just by watching Marcus play. He even tried to arrange the cars in lines like Marcus and is already doing some pretend play!! Last week, he pretended to feed me and E some food with the toy spoon and he has been pretending to cook for a long time. He saw Marcus pouring all the tiny Lego pieces from the mosaic set into the pot to cook, and the baby wanted the same. When we didn't allow, he would throw whatever he could get hold of - a car or any toy - and start stirring with the spoon or ladle.

He pointed at a bird yesterday and uttered "bird" (sounded more like "ber"). That was one of Marcus' first words too. The similiarities are striking but the differences are emerging too.... what an exciting phase!

1 to 1 with Nicholas and one of those days...

Despite my best efforts, I have come to terms that it is not possible to spend as much 1-1 time with Nicholas as I had with Marcus when he was small. I do try hard though, especially when Marcus is in school and during his naptime. I play with Nicholas, talk and read to him and I sing all day long when I am with him.



But child-minding can really take a big toll on me sometimes, especially after dealing with both boys together for a few hours. On some days, I find myself giving in to temptations. I get the maid to play with Nicholas or take him for a stroll while I have my 20 min breakfast, showers and my 10 min power nap (once in a while). It does help to give me some much-needed time to recharge before I deal with more stresses. My energy level usually dips a lot by 4pm if I didn't have a good rest the night before. And I can get annoyed very easily if both boys cry murder at the same time, which also happens frequently. Stopping their toys snatching fights, dealing with their attention-demanding behaviour concurrently and Marcus' T2 (which I used to refer to it as Terrific 2 phase, but now I openly declare it the Terrible 2) do drive my blood pressure up and on those real bad days, I wonder what life would be like if I am child-free. Like today...

Today is one of those days... I took them to a mall with a plan -nice lunch, light shopping, a cuppa leisurely, boys get to play and look around a bit.

In the end, I had to take Marcus to dirty toilets thrice for false alarms, dealt with Marcus who fussed throughout his lunch, and Nicholas who cried till his face went red throughout the times I handled Marcus' toileting (15min x 3 times), useless maid who couldn't pacify baby (caught her admiring her reflection while baby was crying) or take Marcus to toilet without risking dropping him into the toilet bowl and a baby who refused pram, wanted to be carried and yet struggled and climbed on me *all* the time when I carry him. Lunch wasn't enjoyable, rushed through coffee as Nicholas woke from nap screaming, had to deal with Marcus pushing me away and repeatedly saying "I don't want mama, I want Auntie R (maid)" when I told him it's time to go home. Had to deal with his crying and tantrums and no shopping at all. Urrggghh!

Tomorrow shall be a simple day. The plan is not to have any plans. Do nothing other than their routine.


Boys are not fighting. Just some gentle cuddling which turned into friendly wrestling. Picture taken by KK. :)

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